IC contact for lastvoyages

[littlebattles]

[If I don't have an active post up, feel free to use this post to have your character call, videochat, text, or knock on June's door.]

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[littlebattles]

Can I be honest?

I don't really care who it rests on, as long as it doesn't rest on me.

[fork_off]

[He sighs.]

I don't think that this particular situation can be rested on your shoulders, but you do seem to dislike responsibility.

[Perhaps that's overly harsh, but he's not really in a kind mood right now. And he has noticed the pattern.]

[littlebattles]

It's more complicated than that.

[It absolutely isn't more complicated than that, when one gets down to the brass tacks.]

Do you think I don't know that I put myself first? That I've hurt other people to help myself? That's not the problem. Everybody does that, whether they admit it or not. The problem is that I do admit it--

[Says the woman who spent six months pretending to be a warden, and who still routinely lies about her own backtory. June only admits to her own selfish nature when she has to - when she's backed into a corner, and her lies catch up to her to the point that she can't run from them anymore.]

-- and admitting it makes me an easy target. It makes other people see me as a bad person, and seeing me as a bad person means they think I'm to blame for everything that goes wrong around me.

[fork_off]

If I had never read your file, would you have ever told me about the man who died in that airlock? Or about your sister?

[littlebattles]

I wouldn't have wanted you to judge me.

[And it would have interfered with her desire not to think about it. Even just the mention of Airlock Guy now sends a cold shiver running down her spine.]

[fork_off]

Even though that's part of my job.

[littlebattles]

If being judged, hated, and mistrusted could redeem me, I would have been redeemed in my twenties.

If I wasn't getting you your deal, would you even talk to me, or would you be too disgusted?

[fork_off]

Of course I'd talk to you. I'm not the sort to judge people too harshly on their pasts.

[With June it's different, though, because he thinks she has to face hers to get better. If she weren't his inmate, he'd be less likely to give advice at all.]

[littlebattles]

But would you advocate for me? Tell other people I'm trustworthy?

I'm in a bind, Thomas. The Admiral won't let me graduate if I'm not honest about who I am--

[And boy, has it ever taken her a long time to accept that fact.]

-- but if I'm honest about who I am, I'll never really be free of my past. I don't understand how I'm supposed to move forward here.

[fork_off]

[At least she knows that much.]

Yes, I would defend you. I'd defend you now, too.

But... are you free of your past now? Even if no one else knows, you do. I believe the way to move past it is to be honest and show that you've changed. Not everyone will trust you, but, well, some people are arseholes.

[littlebattles]

You're not going to ask me to make a network announcement about it, are you?

[fork_off]

Oh, God, no. I don't think that would help, really. But if you could find someone you could trust and perhaps open up to them? That could be a start.

[littlebattles]

I open up to you. That's not enough?

[fork_off]

I think it would be better if you had more emotional connections than just me, yes.

[littlebattles]

I've talked to Arthur and Kiryu.

[Sort... of?]

[fork_off]

That's certainly a good start. Do you like them?

[littlebattles]

Sure.

[She says the word automatically; almost dismissively. Then, a little softer--]

They're good people.

[fork_off]

That's very good. One can't make progress without support.

[littlebattles]

[She sighs, running a hand through her hair.]

I'll think about it. Okay? I'll think about telling them more.

[fork_off]

All right. That is the first step to doing something.